The Register Enterprize's

A woman went to the doctor's office where she was seen by a young new
doctor. After about four minutes in the examination room, the doctor
told her she was pregnant.

She burst out screaming and ran down the hallway.

An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was. She told
him her story. After listening, he had her sit down and relax in
another room.

The doctor marched down the hallway to the first doctor and demanded,
"What's the matter with you? Mrs. Smith is 59 years old, she has four
grown children, seven grandchildren and you told her she was pregnant?"

"The new doctor continued writing on his clipboard and without looking
up said, "Does she still have the hiccups?"

Dear Tide:

I am writing to say what an excellent product you have! I've used it
all of my married life, as my Mom always told me it was the best. Now
that I am in my fifties I find it even better! In fact, about a month
ago, I spilled some red wine on my new white blouse. My inconsiderate
and uncaring husband started to belittle me about how clumsy I was, and
generally started becoming a pain in the neck. One thing led to another
and somehow I ended up with his blood on my new white blouse! I grabbed
my bottle of Tide with bleach alternative, to my surprise and
satisfaction, all of the stains came out! In fact, the stains came out
so well the detectives who came by yesterday told me that the DNA tests
on my blouse were negative and then my attorney called and said that I
was no longer considered a suspect in the disappearance of my husband.
What a relief! Going through menopause is bad enough without being a
murder suspect! I thank you, once again, for having a great product.

Well, gotta go, have to write to the Hefty bag people.

"You can't read this and stay in a bad mood!"

1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?

(Unique Up On It.)

2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?

(Tame Way.)

3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest ?

(They Take The Psycho Path)

4. How Do You Get Holy Water?

(You Boil The Hell Out Of It)

5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?

(Dam!)

6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?

(Polaroid's)

7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?

(A Stick)

8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?

(Nacho Cheese.)

9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?

(Subordinate Clauses.)

10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?

(Quatro Sinko.)

11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?

(Spoiled Milk.)

12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?

(Frostbite.)

13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?

(A Nervous Wreck.)

14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?

(Anyone Can Roast Beef.)

15. Where Do You Fi nd a Dog With No Legs?

(Right Where You Left Him.)

16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?

(Because They Have Big Fingers.)

17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?

(Because It Scares The Dog.)

18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic?

(Sanka.)

19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover ?

(The Location Of The Dirt Bag.)
"Hey, wait a minute, that's not funny"

20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?

(Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.)

21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?

(A Bad Golfer Goes, Whack, Dang! A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang, Whack!)

22. How Are a Texas Tornado And a Tennessee Divorce The Same?

(Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer)

"Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile."

A small mexican boy went into the kitchen where his mom was baking. He puts his hands in the flour and rubbed it all over his face. He says, "Mamita look at me. I'm a white boy." His mom slaps him in the face and says, "Dios mio, you must be joking! Go show that to your father!" He goes to his dad who was in the living room and says, "Look, I'm a white boy!" His dad slaps him hard in the face and says, "Go show that to your grandma!" The boy goes into his grandma's room and says, "Mira abuelita, yo soy un white boy!" His grandmother slaps him in the face and sends him back to his mother. His mother says, "See did you learn anything?" The boy said, "I sure did. I have been white for only 5 minutes and already I hate you fucken mexicans"